Forever Loved

A Piece on Pregnancy and Infant Loss via rē•spin Creative Director, Jamison Bays.

By: Jamison Bays
Forever Loved

The soul-shattering heartbreak of losing a child is not one any parent should have to be faced with, ever. However, this common yet unspoken topic of miscarriage affects 1 in 4 pregnancies [Source]. Today, we share the story of our Creative Director, Jamison Bays, as we stand beside her and all who have been affected by this gut-wrenching loss. We take this time to remember the littles who we have lost here on earth yet live on forever in our hearts and homes. 

I was asked to write a piece for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month because I had lived it firsthand. My fingers laying paralyzed on the keyboard for what felt like an eternity, but I slowly started to type:

“At the end of this month, we would be celebrating her 5th birthday. I would be watching her blow out her candles and opening her presents.”

I don’t think I had realized this, but I know my body did. I was more heightened than usual these last weeks, something I have come to expect every year but always seems to recognize in retrospect. 

I don’t have answers to why it happened — the miscarriage. I know I wish it didn’t. I wish I never felt the pain rip through my soul or have to sit in that place of sheer devastation and confusion. 

The isolation was another level of hell for me, feeling as if no one understood — or worse, that I was on an unspoken timeline to heal so that everyone else wouldn’t continue to feel the discomfort of my loss. 

I shut down, my soul emptied, and I plastered a smile on my face so that the world would not have to “deal” with my pain.

My advice to those who have experienced loss since mine — don’t do it. Please don’t do what I did and try to make everyone else feel okay. Feel your emotions — all of the pain, and loss, and rage, and grief — if that is your way of honoring yourself and your baby. Find the people who will support you and allow you the space to process it all.

And when the waves of sadness hit you once more, even possibly years later, know that it was because you loved so deeply — and knowing love on that level, even for a moment, is such a profound and life-altering gift. 

Recommended ways to further support a loved one experiencing such loss: 

  • When they are ready to share, listen
  • Acknowledge the loss 
  • Support them as they feel and work through all the feelings the loss brings 
  • Allow them to take all the time they need — grief has no timeline 
  • Accept their method of grief as what is best for them

 

Grief is not one size fits all; it looks different for all who experience it. Support your loved ones who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirths, congenital disabilities, SIDS, or other causes. Be there for them, leading with empathy and love — and not letting them grieve in silence as so many before them.

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