How to rē•spin Your Outlook on Relationships from Two Dating Coaches

Online dating is effectively over as it was. In recent months, it seems like everyone using the internet as a tool to meet people has become jaded with the process of finding a match. Even those who have successful dating experiences are calling for an end to dating apps, and it can be easy to see why. 

The last few years have helped us to shift our priorities in life. We’re not interacting with people the same way as before. We’re all more vulnerable now, trying to live more authentically and create lasting partnerships in both our platonic friendships and our romances. As a result, our cravings for connection are stronger now, longing for the simple things to forge an authentic relationship.

Now, as the magic of springtime approaches, it is the perfect time to approach connection on a deeper level. 

Before you seek a partner and go on your journey to find a new relationship, it’s essential to look within and make sure that your perspective aligns with the love you’re looking to manifest. Bree Jenkins, a dating coach and licensed marriage and family therapist, says that it’s key to have a love for yourself and find that natural passion and zest that will help you connect to those you’re looking to attract.

“The more you’re excited about yourself and love yourself, the easier it will be to attract someone who feels the same way,” she explains. “If you need to do some personal work, start it, but don’t wait until you’re ‘perfect’ to get out there and be available for love.” 

It’s time to excited about you and embrace the love you have for yourself, too.

As Jenkins says, “There’s no reason this year can’t be your year for love, so show up for yourself and your dreams.”

It’s easy to get caught up and forget to take a beat to relax and reflect. Yet, now more than ever, we can vividly see our true desires in our vulnerable states. So before you make your first step into a new relationship, take a moment to think about what you truly want before you even start looking.

Elsa Moreck, a certified dating coach and author, says dating without aim is like walking into a store without a list. 

“When you don’t know what type of person and relationship you’re attracting, you won’t know to maximize the opportunities in front of you accordingly,” she explains. “The result is defaulting to bad patterns unconsciously and producing the same predictable and undesirable results.”

One of the most significant shifts we can make to change our perspectives regarding relationships is to release any expectations you’ve set in your head. Moreck says, “Many people confuse needs with expectations, and this causes a huge disconnect. The irony is when your expectations are released; space is created for the other person to invest more in you.”

When you’re forging new connections, you have to be clear about what you need and how you communicate that to your partner. After that, you have to trust that they will come through. Moreck says they may not do it perfectly, but you’ll be able to get more out of those relationships when you appreciate their effort.

When it comes to a fresh start, it’s out with the old and in with the new. That counts for dating methodologies too. We have to leave bad dating and interpersonal habits in the past and adopt more recent, healthier mentalities. This shifts our perspectives and opens us up more.

Jenkins and Moreck both agree that vague communication and the complete lack thereof should be ditched instead of a healthier communication pattern. You have to be honest about who and what you’re looking for. If you don’t feel the connection, it’s best to be upfront rather than deflecting.

“We are more resilient than we give each other credit for,” Moreck says. “Clarity helps us move on, even when the truth hurts. So give others the gift of clarity.”

Sometimes surrounding yourself with the right people is the best change in your life that you can make for many things, including your perspective on relationships. Jenkins suggests finding the uplifting people in your life and motivating you to believe that love is available, lasting, and healthy. 

She challenges anyone who seeks out negative places and conversations centered on love to ask themselves, “How does this help me?” If you’re engaging in negative perspectives about romance, your love life will reflect that. What you put out into the universe is what you receive back.

Most importantly, she suggests finding spaces filled with like-minded people where you can feel inspired and challenged to grow into a healthier version of yourself.